Caroline's Thoughts

2006-08-25T14:35:00.001-11:00

Well I think this is going to be my last post on here. Cause one I don't think that anyone reads this one anymore and two it is getting to complicated update three blogs. here is my xanga site if you want to read it. www.xanga.com/sweetcaroline211
Here is a long one for the end.

$600 Books +
$300 PDA +
$200 PDA software for class
$100+ nursing supplies for class
= Caroline is broke
One of the major benefits of SIUE was renting my books I defiantly didn't realize how much all that stuff costs. Well it has been a while since I have updated. And for one thing when I was reading my last entry to find out what I have told you all and what I haven't I realized that I said I am not at sophomore status at Blessing. What I meant to say was that I am at sophomore status. I am really excited because I get to take classes that will actually have stuff to do with my major. But I am also really scared because I am starting a new school and I am not sure what all to expect. One because I have absolutely no idea where anything is or how a lot of stuff works, plus things are a lot different since QU isn't a state school. Well along with starting a new school I am learning lots of new stuff at Hy-Vee. I learned to open film a while ago and then last week I learned to open the postal machine. It is still a little difficult but I like the part about going in early and getting done early cause I hate closing and working til 10pm. So I don't think that it really hit me until the past week or so that I am not going to back to SIUE. I keep telling myself that if it was God's plan to come back to Quincy then I would because I figured ya know He knows what is going to make me happy. (that's what everyone tells me anyway). I can honestly say that for the couple weeks I have been miserable. It seems like yet again I thought things were finally starting to go great when I got in the nursing classes and then it seems like one thing goes right and two things go wrong. Not to mention the whole living at home isn't going the greatest either. My biggest fears of coming home are coming true. Things between me and the rest of my family are starting to go back to the way they use to be. The biggest is the problem between me and my dad and me and my sister. My sister and I have always had our differences and probably always will I just get tired of fighting with her over stupid stuff all of the time. For those of you that know me know that my dad travels a lot and it seems like every time he is home and I see him he is yelling at me for something. And if he isn't yelling at me then we barely talk. It just aggravates me because it was never like that before I left for college 2 years ago. It use to be that me and mom were always fighting and now we are a lot closer granted we still have our differences, but nobody is perfect right? I just don't get it. Alright enough of that. I sometime feel that all I do is vent on this but sometimes it seems like the only place I can. Well other than that not a whole lot is going on. I have to take a CPR class on Sat for 5 hours which should be fun. Well that's all for now. Please keep my in your prayers that things get better. I would greatly appreciate it.

2006-07-17T12:51:00.000-11:00

So I decided to update even though things haven't really changed a whole lot. Class is almost over only two classes and one we are just handing in our exam. Even better is I have an A in the class. The whole school thing is still really confusing and frustrating to me. I am hoping that I will get answers soon. I am signed up to be a wheatie on TEC in July so hopefully I can get some peace about the whole thing soon. I can't believe that summer is almost over it feels like it just started. Ever since I started college life seems to be flying by. But it will definantly be nice to be done with school soon and only have to worry about working. Well thats all for now, maybe I will update later.

p.s. Please pray for Josh and Noel they have to go for their yearly check up and everytime they have gone Josh has ended up in the hospital. He hasn't been in the hospital for about 8 months now and were hoping he won' t have to go to back in.

2006-07-03T15:52:00.000-11:00

Well I got out of class really early so I decided to finally update with what has been going on this summer. So far it has been pretty crappy. I don't really feel like I have had a summer. I work, go to class, study for class, babysit Josh, Noel, and Zach. Do get me wrong I love babysitting, and I love the people I work with at HyVee with the exception of some of the customers that have been really cranking lately. I am just so wornout. I feel like I have had no summer. Plus, on top of barely getting any sleep. I have been confronted with yet again another decision on where I want to go to school in the fall/spring. With in the past month I have had about 5 people tell me that I should go through JWCC program because it is more hands on than QU and QU you don't get hands on until you are done with the program. So then after hearing that I was all set on going to JWCC. Then BAM.. I got smacked in the face by being told that they are all full for the summer but they might be opening but they still have a huge waiting list. Then I have had about 3 more people tell me that I should go through Blessings program. How am I supposed to know where I am supposed to go to school next year. I keep getting these "signs" saying that I need to just wait and have faith that I will end up where I am supposed to go but I am tired of waiting I just want to know. Why couldn't I have gotten into SIUE's nursing program and things would be teen times easier. I am sure I was meant to come home for a reason, but I have been really misserable ever since I came home. I have fun when I actually have time to go out with my friends, but when I am home everything that I thought would happen is. Especially the part about my sister and I never getting a long. I don't know if I will be able to take much more. I have thought about moving out, but then she would get what she wants and there is no way I can afford it. Next subject, is I got asked to be onJuly's TEC as a wheatie. Which I am not sure if I want to cause like I have said before I don't really like being a wheatie, but I was thinking maybe I would try it again to see if I would like it. parents are the spiritual directors of the wheat team. Don't get me wrong I would love to spend a TEC weekend with my parents, but I am a mess on those weekends and I don't really want my parents to see me like that. I don't know maybe I am just being weird about it. Oh and Nichole and Whit you should so go on the weekend cause that would be awesome. Anyway if anyone has read this far thanks for caring. and if you have any advice it is very appreciated and prayers that i found out where I am supposed to go to school next year very soon. Cause I am going insane. Oh I can't wait until tom. because after I get off work we are going to go to Spring Lake to celebrate Joshies 3rd Birthday. I am so excited. I really think this is all Happy 4th Everyone. Be safe and have lots of fun.
Prayer request: For my cousin who is having what the doctors think is something wrong with her kidneys. and for a guy a work with whose mom had a brain anurism(pretty sure I spelt that wrong) that she can recover quickly and that the family gets some peace.

2006-04-27T10:52:00.000-11:00

My family called today from Spain. Where in Spain I can't remember its like the third place in Spain they have been and all of the names sound the same. They sound like they are having a lot of fun. Yesterday was one of my little brothers birthday and they went to the captains dinner which sounded like it was fun. I haven't really heard a whole lot about the trip itself cause when we talk on the phone it is just to make sure that the other is ok and having fun. But it is still Really nice just to talk to them.
Yesterday was really interesting. Nichole you first through off my whole day by me expecting to see you and then you going fishing instead. ( Sad Day). Then I go to work and found out I got employee of the month which took me by total surprise. Then one minute we were taking orders and the next a lot of water was on the floor. Apparently the drains were backing up. There was about 1-2 inches of water on the floor. It has happened once before at Taco Bell but last night it happened all over the bottom floor of the UC and they had to close all of the food places down. It was crazy and nobody was really sure what to do. The best part about the whole thing was I was able to get of work and hour and a half early which was really nice.
So the realization that I am not coming back here next year hasn't fully hit me yet except the fact that I will have my last actual class ever here tomorrow. And then next week I am moving home on Friday. It doesn't really feel any different than last year. I am sure it will really hit me when I actually start classes next fall. I am really excited but scared and the same time. I have so much stuff I have to worry about getting that I didn't here; buying books being the main thing, and I won't know where anything is. I am sure I am freaking my self out more than I need to, its just I thought I would be here all five years and I am not so I have to figure all of the other things out I wouldn't need to if I was coming back here. But I guess its like everyone keeps telling me I am supposed to be coming back for a reason. I just wish I new what it was. I wish life was easy and we were told what we are supposed to do, when, and then we wouldn't have to worry about anything. Anyway I have to go or I am going to be late for work. I might update tom. if I have time. Luv you all and God Bless!

2006-04-21T05:14:00.000-11:00

Well I haven't updated in a while and I had some time to kill so I figured I might as well. Not a whole lot has really gone on. I have offically withdrawn from SIUE in the fall next year. I have to take a summer class JWCC which I am not really looking foreward to, but if I am able to start actual nursing classes in the fall I guess it will be worth it. Hopefully everything will work out with that. (long story ask if you want to know) The rest of my family left on the three week cruise to Rome last weekend. I never thought I would miss them this bad. Not being able to just call them up and talk to them is killing me. Plus when I went home last weekend for Easter the house was so empty and I didn't really know what to do. Normally it is crazy with kids running everywhere. It was just really weird. I am really excited about start at QU in the fall. It is something new and I everyone I talk to says they like it there. Well I know this is short but I have to go over to the UC and then to class. Hope you all had a nice Easter and I hope to see some of you this weekend. God Bless.

good news/bad news

2006-04-03T13:51:00.000-11:00

Well I know I promised I would update but once I fell asleep and didn't wake up until Friday morning. It was so nice. This weekend two of my little brothers came down for lil sibs weekend. It was a lot of fun; there was mechanical bull riding and this moonwalk thing. They seemed to have a lot of fun.
Well I have some good news for some of you and bad news for others. The bad news all around is that I didn't get into SIUE's nursing program so I won't be going here next year. The good news is that since I was accepted into Blessings program that I will be going there. Which means I am moving back to Quincy. I am exctied and scared at the same time. But I am sure things will work out. It seems like everyone I know is moving away from Quincy and I am moving back to Quincy. Anyway I have alot of homework that I need to do so I think I am going to stop here. God Bless.

a not so good morning

2006-03-14T06:53:00.000-11:00

So its not even a 12 and I am having a horrible day. I wore flips flops this morning got halfway to the bus and realized I couldn't wear them cause I had lab today and I had to walk all the way back to my apt. to get tennis shoes. Granted thats not that bad and I was going to just drive up to class until Whit told me that I had a flat tire. urrrrrg. I just got new tires put on 3 weeks ago, got a flat tire when I got home sat. for break, apparently it was from a dry wall skew; where it came from I have no idea. So now a week later I have another one. I swear I am not meant to have a car. I don't do anything and stuff seems to happen to it all the time. So I got to class and we got our tests back and I didn't do as good as I thought I had. Now I am trying to figure out how I am going to get my tire fixed. anyway, I just really needed to vent.

Spring Break= Too Fast

2006-03-09T13:10:00.000-11:00

Wow spring break is going by way to fast. I can't believe that it is already Thursday night. So far it has been pretty uneventful. Friday night I got home and went to the kick off mass for TEC then I hung around and talked to people that were on my last TEC. I worked Sat and went to my TEC reunion on Sunday. It was so much fun. We played dodge ball, kick ball and did cardboard races. Then we all went around and said what we got out of the weekend. After that well if you have been on TEC you know what we did and if not you will have to go on a TEC to find out. It was probably the most fun I have had in a long time. After that we went out to tower to eat. It was nice getting to see people that I haven't seen in a long time. I have been on this "TEC high" since my weekend in January and I am loving it. I think it is the longest I have been on one.Then Monday I worked on some homework. Tuesday and Wednesday I worked and then today I had a dentist apt. and when out to eat with my mom and dad. I have so much homework that I was planning on doing over break but I haven't even really started it. I just don't want to have to worry about it when I am in Florida next weekend. I talked to Amanda who works at Blessings Child Care center and said that they had openings. Which means if I can get the job I can work at Blessing and get my tuition paid for, for going through Blessings nursing program. Although I would really like to go to SIUE it is nice to know that I if I don't get in there that I have a pretty good back up plan. I mean what better job than working with kids all day, which is what I love to do. The only down fall is I would be living at home, not that that is a bad thing but I just really enjoy living on my own and not having to worry about anyone's schedules but my own and I have time to myself. Which is something I very seldom ever get when I am home. But I have pretty much decided that I am going to just let God decide where I am suppose to go because I know that where ever I end up I know that I will be happy. Granted I will miss rooming with Nichole, Whit, and Steph. On to a happier note. The baby guinea pigs are so cute. I wish we could keep them all, but I have no idea what we would do with them. I can't wait until next weekend. I will be in Florida hopefully in nice weather. The weather here has been crazy. Sunday night I get to help at the Rebecca St. James, Barlow Girl, and another guy, but I can't remember what his name is. I should be a lot of fun. Well I think that is all. I should really start attempting some homework. Love you all. God Bless

Nursing

2006-03-05T09:02:00.000-11:00

I got accepted to Quincy University to go through Blessings nursing program. I am so excited at least if I don't get in at SIUE then I have another choice, plus alot of opportunities are opening up here. Anyway I have to go get ready for my TEC reunion, but I wanted to share my good news. God Bless.

What's New!

2006-02-27T20:05:00.000-11:00

It seems like I have been really busy lately. Not that I have had a lot of homework just that I have been procrastinating to get it done. Well lets see, my cousins had their first baby on Monday. You can see the pic from when I posted it the other day. Our guinea pig had 4 babies, I can't wait to see them. I have pics, but its not the same. We have to give them away soon to which is depressing; if you want one let me know. I might put up pics later if I think about it. Spring break is also this coming weekend. I soooo need a break. Plus, there is a TEC this weekend and my little brother is a wheatie. Our reunion for Jan. is also this weekend, I can't wait to see all of my candidates again. I took my entrance exam to get into the nursing program here. I did better than I thought I would. I also turned in my application, so it is no longer in my hands. I will end up where I am supposed to be. I really want to go here, but there is also a part of me that wants to go back home and go to school there. I don't know its not really up to me anymore. I just hope I find out soon where I am suppose to go so I can stop thinking about it. Anyway, I have to start on my lab report that is due tom. Big surprise. ttyl.
God Bless!

My new cousin!

2006-02-21T08:17:00.000-11:00

Aaliyah Deborah Suk, 6lbs, 14 oz February 20, 2006

2006-02-16T16:35:00.000-11:00

Can you go to this website and do what it says for me. It only takes a minute or two. Thanks!
http://kevan.org/johari?name=sweetc211

2006-02-15T17:49:00.000-11:00

Mini TEC was blast. I think I did ok on my talk other than talking really fast. The only thing that bugs me is how you can go on a weekend like this with people and think they are one person but once the weekend is over its like they are someone totally different. I have noticed it before but something that happened after this weekend just really made me mad.(long story) Anyway on a much happier note. My dad has a business trip to Florida for four days in three weeks and I get to go since I can't go on the cruise with the rest of my family. Its just going to be me, my mom, and my dad. Which will be kind of nice cause I can't even remember the last time I got to spend time with them without any of my brothers or sister. Other than that not a whole lot has gone on besides work and school. Hope everyone had a good Valentines Day!
God Bless

2006-02-08T05:42:00.000-11:00

It finally snowed! It is actually starting to feel like winter and I love it. This semester is going by so fast. Not that I mind. My Guinea Pig back home is going to have babies soon. I am so excited. Other than that not a whole lot is going on. I finished me talk finally so thats a big releif, but I am still really nervous though. Well I better get back to doing homework. God Bless.

2006-01-29T05:45:00.000-11:00

Well things seem to be moving way to fast this semester. I can't believe that two weeks of classes are already over. It seems like all of my classes are overlapping and teaching the same stuff. Which might sound cool, but they are all telling me different information for the same thing. I haven't figured out how I am going to keep everything straight. But I am sure I will figure something out.
So I went to start on my Mini TEC talk and realized that I know nothing about Baptism. I have all these points I am supposed to touch upon and I don't know what to say. (If you can help me please let me know). I have also seemed to have gotten stuck. I have all this stuff I want to say, but I am not really sure how to put it all together. I'm sure if will all fall into place eventually; it is just really frustrating when I am trying to write it now.
I thought that in buying a new car(a decent car this time) that I wouldn't have to worry about car problems anymore. I seem to have been wrong. So I have trouble with my car over break and we got that fixed, then while I was on TEC my mom's car got broken into and my purse was stolen. (long story, but I eventually got my purse back with everything in it with the exception of 4 dollars). On my way back home Thursday night I stopped outside of Troy, MO to get gas and when I pull out I hear this funny noise. Coming to find out somehow I got a flat tire. Now normally this wouldn't be that big of a deal because I call triple A and they come fix it. This big long ordeal happened and it took almost 2 hours before someone got there to fix it. I got to get some ideas for my talk though so that was a plus. I just planned on being home fairly early since I left school at 4. I didn't get home until 10:15pm. Its only a 2 1/2 hour drive from Edwardsville to Quincy.
Anyway it is late and I have a long day tomorrow. Hope you all have a good weekend. Thanks for listening to me vent.
God Bless

WOW

2006-01-17T08:17:00.000-11:00

All I can say is WOW. TEC 235 was amazing. We ended up with 38 candidates signing up and all of them showing up on Sat. morning. It is so weird because I went into the weekend kind of searching because I have felt really "lost" lately. I never would have thought I would have come out feeling the way I did. So I show up on Sat. and we get our table I only knew one person at my table and my table was really quite and didn't participate all that much. For those of you that know me I am really shy when I first meet people and then once I get to know them I am fine. While I was sitting in the chapel Sat. night I started to wonder what I had gotten myself into and what the reason might be for me to be on the weekend. After reconciliation a couple of us were singing in the chapel and the circle slowly got bigger. It was so cool. Then came Sunday. I don't want to give any of the details away of what goes on since some of you haven't been on TEC, but it was really neat seeing my table participate and start to open up. Then came Mon. The group that I thought would never start talking became so close. It still amazes me every time how you can go on a weekend for three days and become best friends with the people that you didn't even know before. By Mon. night I knew why I was put on this weekend. I have also realized that I think I want to go into something with youth ministry(along with nursing). I just love to see teens come into a weekend one way and leave another way. I thought that once you have been a resource once it would be the same over and over; still fun but the same. I most definitely is not. Each time I go on TEC it gets better and better.
I am also helping on the Adult Team for the next Mini TEC. It is going to be awesome because one of my friends is directing it and a whole bunch of my friends are helping on it. Anyway I have to get ready to go to my next class. Love you all and God Bless...
p.s. Sorry if this doesn't make sense I am still on a "high" from the TEC.

busy busy

2005-12-21T17:06:00.000-11:00

Alright, so I have finally had time to update. I don't think I have worked so much in my life. I have worked everyday since last Wednesday. I was supposed to have the night off last night but got asked to babysit Josh, Noel, and Zach. They are the sweetest kids ever. Friday we are going to go see my grandparents near Bloomington. I can't wait; it has been so long since I have seen them. Then Christmas Eve I have to work til 3. I have never worked then so it ought to be interesting. We still have 4 four days til Christmas and people are so cranky it seems. They get mad over the stupidest things. Besides that I love Christmas it has to be my favorite holiday. The lights, music, seeing everyone, and just everything that goes along with it. I can actually say that I have all of my Christmas shopping done for my immediate family and didn't wait til Christmas Eve to do it. They are even wrapped.
We had our first TEC meeting this past weekend. I can't wait it is going to be so much fun. The meeting was a hilarious so I can only imagine what the weekend is going to be like. For my wheat I was thinking about giving up ice cream, but it is going to be really hard considering I eat it just about everyday.
As you can see I changed the background again, but I really like this one so I think I will keep it for awhile. The music however will probably change every so often depending on what mood I am in. I found this really cool site with a whole bunch of Christian music codes on it. Anyway not a whole lot has really happened since all I have been doing is working. I probably won't update til after Christmas so I am sure I will have more to talk about after the whole family gets together. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas.......God Bless

good news....bad news

2005-12-14T17:24:00.000-11:00

Well I have some bad news and some good news. The good news is that I only have one final left and I am done. I can't wait. The other good thing is my mom told me that Josh is going to be getting out of the hospital tom. or Thursday morning.
The bad news is that I can't go on the cruise with my family. I am really bummed; I was really hoping there would be some way for me to do pull it off. Two of my teachers said they didn't recommend it and if I was going to go they recommend me drop the class and take it some other time. That would be really easy to do if I didn't need them to get into the Nursing program.

2005-12-08T03:04:00.000-11:00

I can't believe that I have less than a week until finals and next Wed. I am done with this semester. I wish it would hurry up and be over but I have so much stuff to do (which I should probably be doing now, but oh well) that I really don't want to do. This weekend was so much fun. I went to visit Josh on Sat. and stayed for 4 hours. I wasn't planning on staying there that long but it was a lot of fun. I think my mom is going to go visit him next Monday and I want to go back, but it depends on how much studying I need to get done and whether or not I get my research paper done thats due Tuesday. On Sunday my dad and my sister picked me up to go to one of my dads office Christmas parties.Then I spent the night at the hotel and ate breakfast with them the next morning. It was a lot of fun getting away from homework and spending time with them. I emailed my counsler last night to find out if I can go on the cruise to Rome with my family and I haven't heard back yet. I really hope I can go; when I was looking at all the other place they are going it made me want to go even more. I guess if I am meant to go I am meant to go. Well I really should probably go work on some homework, so I am not craming at the last minute.
p.s Please pray for my cousin she has Chron's disease and it is spreading to her large intestine.

PRAYER REQUESTS

2005-12-02T17:07:00.000-11:00

Two prayer requests:

A little boy I babysit in Quincy and his sister have Cystic Fibrosis and he had to be put in St. Louis Childrens Hosptial yesterday because they need to monitor him more closely. They aren't sure when he will get home. Please keep him and the rest of his family in your prayers. His name is Josh.

For a friend of mine who's dad commited suicide this morning. Please keep her and her family in your prayers as they go through this really hard time.

If you have any prayer requests just email me or leave a comment.

Update

2005-12-02T17:05:00.000-11:00

OMG! I can't believe that it is already Friday! Well the rest of Thanksgiving break went really well except for the fact that I didn't get my research paper started. I finally started Monday night at 8pm and it was the rough draft was due by 11am on Tuesday. It was a long night but I did manage to get 7 pages done, but it is definitely good thing that is a rough draft. This week it has been so hard trying to get back into the routine of getting my homework done. I don't think I have done anything but my paper. I will definitely have to do some this weekend. I have two anatomy test next week and then finals the week after that. and then I AM DONE for the semester. I am so excited. Hopefully next semester won't be so hard, but its college and I can't really expect it to be that hard. This weekend I don't really have that much planned. I am going to see Josh tom. at STLCH. and then Sunday I have to work and then Newman is having their Christmas party which should be a lot of fun. This is really kind of a random blog but hey al least I updated. Well I think that is all.. I am off to do laundry.

Awesome Week

2005-11-23T15:25:00.000-11:00

Well so far Thanksgiving Break is going great. A little to fast but hey the fast it gets over the closer I am to Christmas break. Well I came home Friday and didn't do a whole lot except hang out with the family. Saturday I got to sleep in which was great since I haven't done that in a while. Then I ran errands for my family and went to see Becca and the new baby at the hospital. (she is so cute) Sunday I went to my brothers soccer game and went to LifeTeen. Then after mass I went to Tower with a bunch of friends. It was so nice getting to hang out with everyone again. Monday I went shopping with my mom and one of her friends. Tuesday and Wednesday I worked most of it. Wed. after work I went out to lunch with a friend, and then I came home and said goodbye to Bryer because today was his last day for my mom to babysit him . I am going to miss him so much; he is like one of my little brothers. For Thanksgiving we are just having a family dinner here at the house and then going to see Harry Potter. Then I should probably start on my homework which I still have yet to work on. I am sure I will get it done eventually. Oh yeah I almost forgot....Julie emailed me tonight and told me that a resource spot has opened up for January's TEC so I get to be resource on it.. I am so excited. Anyway I think that's about all for now. Hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Predicament

2005-11-19T17:15:00.000-11:00

Well here is the problem. I got asked to be on Jan. TEC which I am really excited about. But the thing is that it is as a wheatie and not resource. I didn't really get a whole lot out of being a wheatie the first time, but I loved being a resource. She said that if I go on as a wheatie and one of the resources can't go then I can be resource. Should I take that chance though. I kind of feel that I am supposed to be on this weekend since I was asked but I don't want to be a wheatie if I am not going to get anything out of the weekend. If I am not on January's I will definitely be on March, but that would also mean missing school. Please keep me in your prayers that I find out if I am meant to be on this weekend. God Bless.

Random

2005-11-17T18:22:00.000-11:00

Here is for all of you that told me I needed to update this. Not a whole lot has happened the past week. The weather here is crazy. It is warm one day and freezing cold the next. I wish it would make up its mind. Teachers seem to think they need to give us everything possible to do over Thanksgiving Break. Do they not understand the concept of a break? I get to go home for a week though and I am sooooo excited. I have this weekend off from work, although I should probably work on my research paper that is due when we get back from break. I have a page done, so that's a start. My mom and I are going to Springfield on Monday to go shopping for early Christmas presents. Speaking of which I can't believe that Christmas vacation is going to be here in a month. This semester went by so fast, but I am also ready for it to be over. Next semester my classes do look like they will be that hard, which will definitely be nice. If anyone wants to do something next week give me a call or leave me a message, I would love to see all of you. Anyway, this is kind of random, but at least I updated it. God Bless
Oh yeah, Hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving!

An Early Thanksgiving Message

2005-11-11T04:59:00.000-11:00

http://www.msn.americangreetings.com/view.pd?i=382219626&m=1652&rr=y&sou

A complete 360

2005-11-10T17:07:00.000-11:00

It is like my life has taken a 360 degree turnaround. Things are great. Last weekend I went home and got back to Quincy just in time to go to TEC 234's kickoff mass. When it was over I went home to find 16 nine year old boys running around in our back yard. My parents had failed to tell me that my little brother Mark was having his birthday party. It was fun though because I wasn't able to be home for his actual birthday, so I got to celebrate with him then. Then Saturday and Sunday I worked, which wasn't to bad, but the store was kind of slow because the new Hy-Vee on Harrison had opened. Then Sunday night was the best. I went out to eat with my family and then went to the hoot with my mom and brother. It was something I definantly needed. Shared prayer still has to be my favorite part of the night with everyone singing. It sounds so cool. Anyway then Monday I took off work because I haven't had a day off in a long time. My mom had asked Sharon if we could watch Clayton for the day because I haven't gotten to see him since my mom stopped babysitting him in Aug. It was such a nice stress reliever, I just played with him all day and didn't worry about my homework.
It is so weird because I feel like my spirits are back up and even though classes are still hard I just feel like I can handle them. It is amazing what a "mental health" day can do for a person. Anyway I better go work on anatomy homework. Hope everything is going well for all of you.

2005-11-09T23:59:00.000-11:00

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over these words right now, even if we don't talk often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want--good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) by what people remember about you.

Stressed out

2005-11-05T19:46:00.000-11:00

Well at the beginning of the year I had ever intention of updating this every couple of days, but as you can see that hasn't happened. Classes are crazy! Just when I think things are going to slow down; I get bombarded with tons more homework and more tests to study for. All of which seem to be on the same day. Its making me wonder if I still really want to be a nurse. I don't know if I can do this for another 3.5 years, but if I don't know what I would do. There isn't any other job I could really see myself doing. One of my friends in the nursing program told me that it isn't so bad once you are in it because you aren't so worried about your grades and you don't have to cram all of information in your mind at once. I am sure I will end up sticking it out though because that it just they way I am.
I don't feel like I am myself anymore. All I do is study and work. I don't really hang out with anyone at school because when I do have time I am so tired all I want to do is lay around and sleep. I thought college was suppose to be fun. I used to be happy all of the time and now I almost to the point I don't care anymore. I took Monday off from work this week, and there is a TEC, so maybe that will help a little. Anyway, thanks for listening to me vent.

Why does life have to suck?

2005-09-19T20:30:00.000-11:00

Well the first week of school things were going great. Then things slowly started to go bad. All of a sudden out of no where I felt lost and started questioning everything. Whether or not I still wanted to go into nursing and if not what I would my major would be, my faith, and whether or not I wanted to stay in Edwardsville. I never really got homesick last year but this year has been so hard. My classes seem to take up most of my time, along with work, but when I would get a break all I wanted to do was go home and be with my family. I have been thinking a lot lately if I want to come back to Edwardsville next year and I am not sure if I am because I want to be back in Quincy or if it is because I am home sick. There are a lot of positive and negatives either way. To top off the whole homesick thing after the first two days of work I realized that I hated working in fast food and everyday that I wanted to come home in the next couple months I have to work and I can only ask off so many days. I have been tyring to find another job but things just don't seem to be going my way. Which I guess it isn't my decision in the first place. Even after realizing that I couldn't change all this and that I would have to live with things my check engine light comes on in my car on my way back to school two weeks ago. When I take it in to get it fixed they told me that it would be about 400 dollars to get it fixed. We have spent about 5000 dollars on the past two cars on things that have gone wrong with them, so this time my parents and I decided that it was time for me to buy a new car(one that would last me a long time) so this weekend I went home and bought a 2004 Ford Tarus and the payments are under 200 dollars a month. I was so excited when I got my new car I went to Whitney's house to show her and drove it around to do some errands. I was so excited when I got home and I came home to find my dog laying outside of our gate. When he stood up I realized that he was bleeding really bad and his back legs were all tore up. We took him to the vet and she said that there was nothing she could do for him and we would have to take him to Columbia to get it fixed. The thing was they might not be able to help him and if they could it would be a long painful process and we needed to think about whether or not we wanted to put him through it. First of all there was no way we could afford it and secondly we didn't want him to go through all the pain. We decided to put him to sleep. It was the hardest one of all of my animal deaths, and it all happened in less than 2 hours. All day Sunday I kept thinking that he would come running through the house with our other dog. It still seems like a bad dream. I feel bad complaining concidering everything with Hurricane Katrina, but I just don't know how much more I can take and I feel like crying all of the time. I guess sometimes it just helps to write it all down. Thanks for reading.

Update

2005-08-29T20:17:00.000-11:00

Wow, it seems like forever since I have updated this. Vacation was great; I think it was the only time over the summer that I actually got to relax. Well thanks to all of the prayers my mom did get another job babysitting two little kids a couple of days a week. School is going pretty good so far. Classes are a lot harder than I thought they would be and what they were last year, but I guess that is how it is as you get closer towards your major. My roommates are great and we haven't fought at all yet so that's a plus. I love living in the apartment instead of the dorms. I don't feel like I am crammed into one little room. We have a kitchen and a living room area. Oh, I almost forgot I got a job today. It is working at Taco Bell in the food court which wasn't my first choice, but I guess it is a job and at least now I have a source of income. Well I think that's about all; I have a lot of homework to do. Miss you all.

Prayer Request

2005-08-03T15:00:00.000-11:00

My mom lost one of her babysitting jobs recently please keep her in your prayers so that she can find another one or some other job soon.

less than a month til school starts

2005-08-02T22:30:00.000-11:00

I can't believe that I have less than a month left of school. I have been so busy this summer it seems to have flown by. I was on the Mini TEC last weekend and it was a lot of fun and it was a nice refresher before I go back to school. The weird thing was I was thinking about a lot of stuff because lately I have just felt really lost in my relationship with God and when I came home the next day when I came home two really weird things happened. First when my alarm went off to get ready for work one of my favorite songs was playing from the weekend. Then when I got back from work instead listening to a cd like I normally would I turned on the radio the song by Seventh Day Slumber called Caroline was playing and it said everything that I wanted to hear or was thinking about on the weekend.
We left Monday for a two week vacation to Oaklahoma and Texas. We are in Oaklahoma right now and head to Texas on Friday. The car ride here seemed to take forever. When we get back home on the 15th I have to start packing for school and be at school on the 19th to move in. Hopefully this time when I go down there I will have a job so I don't have to search for one when I get down there. Well I know this is kind of random but I haven't updated my blog in a while and I figured I probably should since I don't know when I will get the chance again. I hope to try and see you all before I head back to school.

Interesting Week

2005-07-14T14:57:00.000-11:00

Well this has been a pretty interesting week. Yet again I had to get my car fixed. I took it to Neal Coleman's Auto to get my air conditioned fixed because I had a gift certificate and they called me and told me all this stuff that was wrong with my car. Then they told that to fix all of it that it was going to be about $1000. I started freaking out because I had no idea where I was going to get the money to fix all of it and they told me that I shouldn't be driving it because something was wrong with my brakes and my car might not stop if I go to stop. Beings that the estimate was so high I decided to take it to the place I normally take it. He didn't find half of the things Neal Coleman told was wrong with it and told me to fix a couple of things it would be about $250. That was a major relief I just wish I could get a car and not have to fix it every two months.
My Mom is having a garage sale this week and she has been going through everything. She is putting stuff on the garage sale I have never seen before.
The best thing that happened this week, though, is that my little brother decided to go on TEC this weekend. I can't wait, it should also be exciting because I know 19 people on this one; it seems like the last couple ones I have only known 3 or 4.
We also have our first Mini TEC meeting tomorrow night. It's kind of weird because it is the same time as the Kick Off Mass, but I guess that was the only time they could find to meet. Well I am off to help my mom with the garage sale stuff. Hope to see you all Sunday.

Update

2005-06-24T18:02:00.000-11:00

Well I have been meaning to update this forever, but I never seem to have time to. This summer has been crazy. I was hoping to be able to relax and work all summer, but that hasn't really happened. Nichole from school came to town like we had planned and we had a blast. Then my brother accidentally broke his arm at the LifeTeen fiesta party about a month ago. (long story) It seems like we have been going out of town or doing something just about every weekend which has been I just wish I could get more work hours in before I go back to school. I did however get to go to Florida with my dad and brother over my birthday which was a lot of fun and I was able to relax and just have fun doing whatever I felt like doing that day. I was also able to meet up with Liz, Jay, and Jessie one day and we went to the beach. I have loved being on the core at LifeTeen; it doesn't seem like I have done a whole lot, but it has been fun to just interact with all of the teens. LifeTeen is also getting a new Youth Minister which I am not really sure what to think about it. I think it is great that we are getting one but it seems like she is coming in and the core members are going out and there isn't anything happening in the middle. I think there should be something happening in the middle considering some of the core have been there since the very beginning and now one week they are doing it the next it going to be someone different. I guess I can't really judge what it will be like until things start happening but it is just hard seeing this big of a change in something that has been that way for over 2 years.
Have you ever felt like you lost in your faith life and weren't sure really how to get back on track? That's how I have felt lately and I am not really sure why. I have tried reading my bible more and praying about it but I don't feel like it is doing much good. I don't want to end up sinking further and further but I feel like that is what I am doing. If you have any suggestions on what to do please let me know and please keep me in your prayers. Thanks and God Bless.

A long 3 days

2005-05-07T21:10:00.000-11:00

Well it has been an interesting 3 days. First Thursday when I went to pack my car to come home it wouldn't start, so we had to call Triple A and they had to jumpstart my car. I wasn't able to turn it off until I got home. When I got home, I went to Dan's Auto they told me that I needed a new battery, and it was a good thing I didn't turn my car off or wouldn't have started up again. Then yesterday my brother Matt had his surgery and things went really well up until about 11:30am and then his mouth started bleeding really bad and we had to take him back to the doctors office. They had to carterize(I don't think that is how you spell it) the blood vessels in his mouth to make them stop bleeding. Thanks to lots of prayers, he is doing better and is almost back to being his normal self. After we got done with that we realized that we hadn't picked up my sister from PMO band, but when we went to go pick her up we couldn't find her. We called everyone asking them if they knew where she was and nobody could tell us anything. About an hour and a half later she called and asked if we were coming because a lady saw her and told her we were looking for her. Thanks God for letting everything work out yesterday!
Today was a little less stressful, I had to work 12-6. We were so busy, but I am sure it has something to do with Mothers Day being tomorrow. Well I think that's about all..God Bless.

Prayer Request

2005-05-06T03:19:00.000-11:00

My little brother is having surgery today. Please keep him in your prayers that everything goes smoothing and that he isn't in too much pain when it is done.

Goodbye SIUE Hello home

2005-05-04T23:30:00.000-11:00

I have been meaning to up date this for a while, but with studying for finals, working, and getting ready to check out of the resident hall it has been pretty crazy. My English final wasn't to bad, but my Chemistry and Psychology were a lot harder than I expected them to be. It is still hard to believe that I have my first year of college is over and I hopefully only have four more years to go before I am done.
This summer is going to be great! In about a week my friend, Nichole, from school is going to becoming to Quincy to visit. I am not really sure what all we are going to do for five days, but I am sure we are going to figure something out. I get to be on the LifeTeen core this summer and help out with the lifenights which should be fun. My little brother also starts to drive this summer. SCARY! I can't believe he is already going to be sixteen. My mom and I are going to visit my grandparents sometime near the end of May, and then in August my family is going to drive down to Texas and stay at my aunt and uncles house for a week. I also hope to work whenever I can so I can save up some money to buy a car since my brother will be getting mine shortly. I think that is about all. I am going to try and do a better job of writing in the blog more often. Hope to see you all this summer, call me if you want to do something.

cd

2005-04-25T14:59:00.000-11:00

Does anyone have the cd by Matthew West called Sellout?

busy busy

2005-04-17T15:19:00.000-11:00

Wow, it has been a long time since I have updated this. Classes have been keeping me pretty busy; I can't wait until this semester is over.(less than 3 weeks) Other than doing stuff for classes I went to a friends house from school; it was a blast. This weekend I went home to help my dad with my siblings since my mom was on Cursillo. This weekend there is a TEC and I can't wait.(for all of you on the weekend you are in my prayers) I know this isn't very long but I just got back to school and I still have homework to do. If anyone wants to do something this weekend let me know. God Bless. :)

Lifeteen's Spread the Word

2005-04-03T04:51:00.000-11:00

What are the four most difficult words that we as Christians can say?
"Father, if you are willing, take this cup away from me; still, not my will but yours be done.' He was in such agony and he prayed so fervently that his sweat became like drops of blood falling on the ground." -Luke 22:42,44

SITUATION EXPLAINEDWhat is God's will for you? Are you willing to drink from the cup He puts before you, or would you rather tell Him that you're not thirsty?
What are the four most difficult, humbling, frightening, challenging words that we as Christians can say? Do you give up? Alright, I'll give it to you...Thy will be done.

SOLUTION OFFERED: As many of you probably remember, today's verse was uttered by Jesus during his agony in the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus is basically saying, "If there's anyway for Your will to be done, Father...any way for your plan of Salvation to take place without my having to go through such hardship or pain...can we look into it? What sets Jesus apart, though, is that He follows it up by reminding God of His faithfulness, basically saying, "above all else, God, let things happen according to YOUR will and Your wants and Your needs, not my own." After uttering these famous words, our Lord, your and my Savior, prays so hard that he sweats blood.
I don't know about you but I've never prayed so hard that I sweat blood...I've never even come close to a nosebleed. Jesus knew what loomed ahead of Him. He knew the betrayal and pain He would soon experience...yet, even when He was in total agony and was wondering if there was any other alternative to the torture and brutal death that awaited Him, He said those words, "...not my will but YOURS be done."
That, my brothers and sisters, is FAITH.
I start a lot of prayers like today's verse, but I sure don't finish a lot of prayers like it. I have no problem saying, "God, if I could still be considered a good Catholic Christian and make you happy, but not do (insert sacrifice/struggle here)..." The truth? Although I say that I do, most of the time, I don't put God's will AHEAD of my own. Most of the time, God's will for me is hard or uncomfortable, and I really wish that my faith would be easy.
I don't know if you're like me, but my version of "thy will be done" sounds more like "can you make Your will match up with mine, God? Oh, and, could you do that now...like tonight? I'm pretty busy, and I've got too much going on to have to keep asking You. Thanks." I'm too busy being a brat of God to stop and be His child.
If you and I had any guts, we'd pray every day that God's will be done in our lives. If we have the COURAGE to pray that AND mean it, we will have taken a HUGE step in our faith, and in spiritual maturity, today.

SALVATION GIVEN"Father, if you are willing, take this cup away from me; still, not my will but yours be done. He was in such agony and he prayed so fervently that his sweat became like drops of blood falling on the ground." -
Luke 22:42,44

Are you willing to put His WILL ahead of your own will?I will if you will.

~Bible Geek

Dead Duck

2005-03-31T07:27:00.000-11:00

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet has passed away." The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm sure. The duck is dead" he replied. "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird from it's beak to it's tail and back again. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys, and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$300!" she cried. "$300 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!" The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $40. But with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it all adds up."

Easter

2005-03-26T02:10:00.000-11:00

Wow it has been a while since I have updated this. Hopefully I will have time to update it next week when things at school calm down. I hope you all have a Happy Easter!!

This website has a really cool http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/ you all should check it out.

A Great Week :)

2005-03-10T17:09:00.000-11:00

Well, this week has turned out to be awesome. Sunday night I got to hang out with a bunch of friends that I don't get to see very often. On Monday I got to relax with the house to myself while my siblings were at school. Then Tuesday and Wednesday I went to Blessing Hospital to shadow for nursing to find out if it is really something I want to do. It was probably one of the greatest experiences. On Tuesday, I shadowed in Labor and Delivery and got to see and help a lady have a baby girl. Out of all four of my siblings I have never been there when they came into the world. After she was born I was able to take her over to the nursery and see what the nurses do to check and make sure everything is ok with the baby. On Wednesday I went to the Med/Surg. Floor. This was a lot different from Labor and Delivery. Labor and Delivery was a wait and see if anything happens type of thing. We were sitting there and the next we were rushing to the room because the lady was getting ready to have the baby. In Med/Surg. We were constantly moving from one patient to the next. How they kept what each patient need straight I have no idea. One nurse could say a room number and another nurse would immediately know who the patient was and what was wrong with them. It was amazing seeing how the nurses interacted with the patients, and seeing smiles on their faces when the nurses came into the room. I am still searching for God's Will, but when I left the hospital I had this awesome feeling that being a nurse is what I am meant to do. Although I have a while before I will be a nurse, I can't wait to go back and do it again. Wednesday night I went to the QND Pep Band festival and saw a bunch of friends from high school. Sitting there listening to me actually made me want to look into start playing my trumpet down at school. After the Pep Band Festival was over my two little brothers and sister went and picked up my parents from the airport. Today, not a whole lot has happened other than I woke up with a cold, but hopefully I will be over it soon.

Spring Break

2005-03-06T00:04:00.000-11:00

Well Spring Break is finally here. I was so excited because I was looking forward to going to the TEC stuff this weekend and then relaxing the rest of the weekend. I am still going to the TEC stuff this weekend, but the relaxing part I don't think will ever come. My parents decided to go to Florida for one of my dad's business trips, and have left me to watch my siblings. They left yesterday morning and won't be back until Wednesday evening. I excited to a point to be able to spend time with my siblings and just do what we wanted, but I haven't had them by myself for even two days and they are already Driving Me Nuts. They don't listen to me, they keep arguing over the littlest things, and they just make mess after mess. I now know why my mom says she never gets anything done because she is constantly cleaning after them. Don't get me wrong I love them do death, but I don't know how much more I can take. I don't remember it ever being this difficult. I guess I will be able to relax and have fun tonight, and the rest of the week they have school so I will have some time to myself with peace and quite. Well that is really all I have to talk about; I just really need to let out some of my frustration. Hope to see some of you while I am home for break.

God's Plan/Will...

2005-02-27T17:38:00.000-11:00

Lately, I seem to have a lot on my mind. One of the main things is God's Will. Whenever I go on retreats such as TEC or Quest it seems like they always talk about God's will and how He has a special plan for each one of us. If we let go and let God then everything will work out fine. The first problem I have is actually being able to let go and let God. Sometimes it is so easy to do and other times I find myself getting so worked up over something I don't even think about God's plan until after it is all over. Why is it so easy to tell God you want His will to be done, but when something happens God's will is the last thing on my mind?
I really want to go into nursing, but I don't know if that is something that I want myself or if it is part of God's plan for me. This got me to thinking, can we go against God's will and completely mess up His plan for us. Say for instance
a man is suppose to become a priest. He doesn't see the "sign" that God wants him to become a priest, so he gets married and starts a family. Does God's plan for him change or will God's plan stay the same and he will end up going into the priesthood later on in life? Does God already know that we are going to go against His will in a certain time in our life, so He has that time in our life already figured into our plan? If we go against God's will/plan and it ends up affecting someone's life drastically, will that change that persons plan too or is it already part of their plan. I think about whether the plan I have right now for myself is what I want or if it is part of God's plan already. I see my friends and they all seem to have their lives figured out and what they are meant to do. Am I the only one that doesn't know what God's plan is for me?

p.s. I really hope this makes sense. :)

Buttprints in the sand

2005-02-20T14:59:00.000-11:00

For those of you that know me, you know I love the Footprints in the sand poem. When I was on Mini TEC last weekend someone read this poem. It is really cute.

One night I had a wondrous dream,One set of footprints there was seen,The footprints of my precious Lord,But mine were not along the shore.
But then some strange prints appeared,And I asked the Lord, "What have we here?"Those prints are large and round and neat,"But Lord, they are too big for feet."
"My child," He said in somber tones,"For miles I carried you along.I challenged you to walk in faith,But you refused and made me wait."
"You disobeyed, you would not grow,The walk of faith, you would not know,So I got tired, I got fed up,And there I dropped you on your butt."
"Because in life, there comes a time,When one must fight, and one must climb,When one must rise and take a stand,Or leave their butt prints in the sand."
-- author unknown

The Room

2005-02-16T16:49:00.000-11:00

17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a
class. The subject was what Heaven was like. "I wowed 'em," he later
told his father, Bruce. "It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best
thing I ever wrote." It also was the last.

Brian's parents had forgotten about the essay when a cousin found it
while cleaning out the teenager's locker at Teary Valley High School.
Brian had been dead only hours, but his parents desperately wanted every
piece of his life near them-notes from classmates and teachers, his
homework.

Only two months before, he had handwritten the essay about encountering
Jesus in a file room full of cards detailing every moment of the teen's
life. But it was only after Brian's death that Beth and Bruce Moore
realized that their son had described his view of heaven. "It makes such
an impact that people want to share it. You feel like you are there."
Mr. Moore said.

Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was
driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce
Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the
wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.

The Moores framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family
portraits in the living room. "I think God used him to make a point. I
think we were meant to find it and make something out of it," Mrs. Moore
said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision
of life after death. "I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know
I'll see him."

Brian's Essay: The Room...

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the
room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall
covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in
libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order.
But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly
endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near
the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read
"Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards.
I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names
written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I
was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for
my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and
small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and
curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly
opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet
memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would
look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed."
The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird "Books I Have
Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have Given," "Jokes I Have Laughed
at." Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've yelled
at my brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My
Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents." I never
ceased to be surprised by the contents.

Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I
hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived.
Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of
these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this
truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my
signature.

When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched", I realized
the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly,
and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I
shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the
vast time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run
through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test
its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.

I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost
animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever
see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy
them!" In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter
now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end
and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card.
I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as
steel when I tried to tear it.

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning
my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it.. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel
With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost
unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three
inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on
one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt.
They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and
cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The
rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever,
ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as
I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.

No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly
as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to
watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at
His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.

He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read
every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He
looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't
anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to
cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said
so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end
of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name
over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find
to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't
be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so
alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He
gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the
cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but
the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back
to my side.

He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished." I stood
up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There
were still cards to be written.

Getting Started...

2005-02-15T13:36:00.000-11:00

It seems like everyone I know has one of these, so I decided to start one. I don't know if it will last long, but I figured what the heck might as well try it.
I was on the Mini TEC this weekend and it was awesome. I was a table leader and I gave a talk. It was kind of weird because right before I gave my talk I was so nervous. Then I walked out and gave my talk and I don't remember anything that went on or anything I said while I was giving my talk. I was told I did a good job; I just wish I could remember what all I said. I never thought I would ever say this but I actually enjoyed giving a talk. I also was kind of scared about going on the weekend because I didn't know anybody except for the people on the team. I actually enjoyed it a lot better than when I have gone on weekends before and I have known just about everyone because I was able to meet so many great people. To all who went on the weekend, Thank you, it wouldn't have been the same without you. God Bless..